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A model representing the guy ruminating about the friendship breakup
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How to stop ruminating?
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A representation of the best friend sending the confusing voice message
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I think the key part of this argument is that she is unable to pinpoint exactly what he does or even give any examples for it, so it becomes much harder for him not to get defensive about it. It is very hard to receive such deep criticism of your character. The times this has happened to me, I needed a long talk afterwards, to not end up feeling completely devastated. If you’re the slightest bit empathetic, you can experience extreme feelings of guilt that then can become counterproductive to resolving the issue itself.
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A depiction of the letters he'll never send
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I think sometimes friends tell us truths about ourselves, but come from a place of a lot of resentment, and that complicates the message. I remember once, at a very troubled time in my life, one friend told me I was always tiring everyone around me with my problems. What he said was a huge deal for me back then, and it was partially true; I wasn’t well, but the way he said it was more about his own anger at me than about my issue. I ruminated on it for months, thinking this was the only feature I had; I forgot all the good I did in the world. One day, I talked to myself more gently. I told myself maybe, then, not always, not forever, I was a little bit tiring, and I learned from it, and that was it. So my advice to him would be to try to sit with what his friend said and separate her anger from the message, and with time, try to process if anything she said can be integrated, it doesn’t matter if it’s perfect or specific, and grieve the guilt that comes with not being perfect!
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